he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
