Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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