I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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