im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
