Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
