you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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