i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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