i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
