Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
