I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
