May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im holly from the hills drunk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
