i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
