He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
