I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
