there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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