if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
