Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
