he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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