Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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