dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
false alarm. still invincible.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
