Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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