found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
