This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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