Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
