We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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