Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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