I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
