By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
