I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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