are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
