I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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