i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
