Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
