Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So much Jack, so little girl.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
