It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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