Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
