I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
