I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
