i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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