You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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