Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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