You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
