I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well you can't waste a boner
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
