Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
