I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
