the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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