Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I still have a little drunk in my system
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
