I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
