I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
