i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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